I have been away from here for a while. The break was not an intended one but sometimes life has a habit of getting in the way of your passions and hobbies. From cooking, trips out and about to even having the time to put on a bit of body cream time has been rather pushed.
This last month, a work pay month, I worked approximately 270 hours and had three days off throughout those 31 days and with that the stress took its toll and an almighty cold and cough has remained present for sometime.
A year ago I wrote about everything that I wanted to achieve both professionally and personally and I have fallen short of pretty much everything with some things not even getting off the ground. To say I am disappointed in myself and my approach to life is an understatement.
The promise to myself of a work-life balance, of doing that bit of work to make ends meet and allow us to have the odd treat here and there and actually being able to enjoy without guilt everything around me because I had worked for it has fallen away.
Despite my best efforts to stop the compulsive, obsessive and perfectionist side of me creeping out it is out in full display. I check my work emails when I get to the bus stop out of work… it is a six minute walk… and so often I find myself drawn into work chats when I am not on the clock. For some this is the motivation within me to succeed and a sign that I have the ability to progress my career whilst to those that know me it is a sign of burnout and becoming too involved.
Burning out was ultimately what got me here and whilst I love my job I need to remember that the university work coupled with several jobs and freelance work caused me to crash and burn out of university because I wanted to succeed too hard. Yes you can want something so badly that it hurts and hurts to the point of doing actual damage.
And I will admit that I am afraid of what I am, or am not, becoming. The interactions with social media, the length of time between each phone call with my mum and the amount time I get to spend with my partner concerns me because what is the point of working for better things and nicer things for those you love if you literally miss out on life with them.
The further I get into writing this the more it sounds like a plea for help but it is not. It is simply a reminder to you as much as it is to me to cherish the life that we are given, to seek a balance and to appreciate everything that we have.
The hard work I have put in during recent months has given me a promotion at work and the extra hours means more money to spend on things like learning to start to drive; passing my test will make it easier to go on day trips to places or to doing a food shop. It means that a holiday is not some far-fetched dream but has become an actual reality; a way to relax and unwind and soak in the sun as well as all the deserved hard work.
With work and politics (I am Croydon Central Labour Treasurer and LCF rep, did I mention that?) my free time is hugely limited and whilst knowing how much I am doing the common thing amongst my age group of feeling like I am not doing enough is present in my mind. The reality is it is not the amount we are doing but rather the amount of the things we love and enjoy.
This is a promise to myself and to you that there will be more me time, more hobby time and more time for my passions like cooking and writing about a wide variety of things here (I mean hello my partner got me various designs of tiles so I can do more flatlay photos for my blog and instagram for my birthday today!). It is a promise that, unlike my promise regards being consumed by work, I hope I can stick to at least for a little while and make it a realistic challenge.
Do you find yourself consumed by work to the point of not feeling like you are living? How do you help to create and ensure a balance, is a bullet journal or similar the trick?
What would you like to see up on the blog next?