So the title might be a bit of a push in the current world of definitions. I want to lose weight and get fit and to me that is fitness. But when the world, or at least Instagram, seem to be increasingly filled with ‘fitness freak’ going around trying to get down to unhealthily low body fat percentages and increase muscles in places that seem a little unusual it is a little hard to know where me and my plan fits into it all.
One thing you can rely on me for is that I am never going to pick up the weights. Sure I might want to at times but I cannot. I have a heart/connective tissue condition where one of the things that has been banned since day one is weights. And as a result getting into that ‘toned’ shape people go on about so often is going to be a lot more difficult for me. With where I am at it is hard to tell if that is even something I would want to look like.
In a world where gyms cost a lot of money I have three things to help me along the way: my house, my garden and outdoors. If you read my last post you will know that I went on a rather long walk. Walking is one of the few things that I am allowed to do and I can do at no expense. Besides walking through green places where you can only hear birds chirping away on a sunny day is delightful.
Other than deciding to go out and enjoy the world without letting anybody else stop me there were a few things that prompted me to just go for it and give it my best shot.
Last weekend my partner suggested we went for a walk and I was sort of interested. I grew up walking a lot and I love walks but I was partially reluctant to go anywhere this weekend. It looked warmed and humid, I was feeling fairly body conscious and my leg was hurting a bit. But we went out and headed towards a park we have not gone to together before but one that my partner used to go to when he was younger all the time. Because of the name of the park and some of the roads I thought it would only take a while to get to it but it seemed neverending.
From leaving to getting home it was just less than 5km and all I had done was complain about how long it was taking, about how my toe was hurting in my shoes and if I had known how long it was supposed to take I would have had a wee before leaving the house. I was so grumpy and I realised that was not like. It was a walk and I like walking. So that was when I realised I could only enjoy walking and the things around me by doing it more often and getting into better shape.
So the day after I did it all again. I headed out at 11:30 so it was fairly warm as the sunshine was beaming down and as a result, because I am not completely silly, I just went on a shorter walk. My legs were also reminding me that I had gone a walk the day before so I knew I needed to take it easy as otherwise I will burn myself out too quickly.
As a result I am taking a break today from the walk. Doing three walks in the space of a week is pretty good going for me and I think it is a good place to start and something that I can probably keep up or even up a little over a period of time.
But as well as walking I have also started to pay attention to what I am eating again. I have tried to do this so many times but I find having an app to not be very effective as I just end up ignoring it and then deleting it a while later.
So I started to do it in an actual notebook with colours to help me know if I was over or under various recommended amounts. I also popped on the inside of the first page all of the recommended numbers and on each page I have personal targets, details of what I ate and also got up to on that day. I want to have a physical copy of my progress to be able to look back on in a number of months to see how far I have got.
I used to find that writing things down helped when I went to Slimming World several years ago and being able to hold myself physically accountable massively helped. Also being able to check the labels myself and write things down fills me with much more trust than taking the word of an app and user inputted data.
And when I was at Slimming World I started to feel good about myself. Progress was slow but at least it was there and I could feel a difference. I mean I lost over a stone and did not change any dress sizes, despite not building muscle, so it did cause me to lose interest.
But that is the thing I have been unhappy with my body for such a long time. In primary school I was allowed to do whatever sport I wanted, at least on the playground and they find a way to include me in PE, but when high school started that all changed. I was barely allowed to hit a hockey ball around let alone move with it and instead I was always the much hated referee. So insurprisingly I ended up piling the weight on pretty sharpish and trying to tackle it when nobody would let me do most sport or exercise was really tough. For so long I felt resigned to looking like this but I finally realised I do not have to look lime this and there are ways around it.
I have no aims or targets other than wanting to feel happy in myself and confident with my body and that is ultimately all that matters right? Being happy, comfortable and confident. But for me that requires change and A LOT of walking.