After doing my October empties post and mentioning that I was trying to use older things up I came to such a realisation about myself with regarding to collecting stuff and clutter.
I find decluttering and getting rid of things to be so relaxing and watch way too many decluttering videos on Youtube. But I also tend to go through phases of sorting through my own stuff and just getting rid of so much ‘junk’.
Recently I went through all my clothes from the crucial underwear to pjs to jumpers and just discarded so much of it. I still had things from when I was 15/16 and even if I was the same size I was then I wouldn’t be seen in most of it unless decorating or doing something that ran the risk of ruining them forever. In the end I can fit every single thing (including all my bags and footwear) into a single door wardrobe with some pull out drawers included.
But whilst I went through and decluttered and made my wardrobe suitable for the me today it reflected the hoarder that ruled inside of me for so long that didn’t want to get rid of anything.
For so long I had held onto those beauty products that I wasn’t keen on because I couldn’t bear to throw them away in an unfinished state. After sorting through my wardrobe though I realised the only way that could be resolved was to work through the products and in doing so declutter my ‘dressing table’.
(My ‘dressing table’ is actually a shelf from a standard two door collapsed wardrobe on top of two bedside tables as legs. The bedside table drawers have bedding and towels in so I only have the table top/shelf and therefore space is really limited.)
But there are some things I just struggle not to keep buying or hoarding. My perfume collection is out of control and yet I always eye new ones up for Christmas or my birthday. The bottles in the picture below represent about 3/4 of the one I have. And I rarely get dressed in a daily basis let alone leave the house so using these is a bit of a challenge! I love them though and am unable to part ways with a single one of them reminding me of the hoarder inside.
I also have a serious problem with lipcare products and may recently have come into possession of a final The Body Shop product to fit the awkward hole that is currently present in the drawer (hidden by the chapstick/lip smackers). And again I just cannot handle the idea of parting with them even though I know it is pure excess to have so many and that using them in a lifetime seems an impossible concept at times.
I managed to pull myself together and forced myself to get rid of several old and unloved nail varnishes but then I ended up with a whole new stack and the amount of them multiplied incredibly. This is something I attempt to justify by saying a different one can be needed for every outfit and occassion but really who needs two yellows?
The reality is I’m constantly torn between my the desire to be a minimalist and not needing lots of various items and similar products and the desire of having all the nice things that people, advertising and society claim I need in my life. There is the side of me that just wants the things I really like in life to be around me and there is the other that wants to have anything and everything available to me without having it on display and making the place look busy and crowded.
I own hundreds of books and the habit of hoarding and collecting was obvious from an early age but now I don’t know what I want and am internally torn by the constant impressions of minimalistic white storage and yet the mass array of items that they conceal. If you cannot display it and use it what joy is there in having the products? I just don’t understand the excess that is involved and feel it is perhaps something lost on somebody of my social standing.